O Positive

A Special note: I've always been an upbeat and positive person and I have endeavored to share that aspect of myself with the people I have encountered online. Currently, this aspect of myself is being challenged.

In March of 2012, I lost my wife of 15 years suddenly and unexpectedly. One moment she was there and the next...

She was my best friend and my "tag team" partner. Our life plan was carved out together. We were a couple for 23 years which is more than half my life and I expected to live the next half with her.

And while I no longer live in the immediacy of the moment, there is a dull ache that permeates every day punctuated with moments of acute pain.

And right now, this place has been one of my "safe" spaces. A place where I can share and give and receive the love of my friends.

And while I am not where I hope to be, I am managing to cope thanks to the compassion and warmth of the people I have gotten to know through this medium.

If you've been here a while, I appreciate your kindness and patience.

If you're new here, I appreciate the opportunity to make your acquaintance.

These are all gifts and I am appreciative.

And while my LJ might be "The Grief Channel" more often than not right now, I hope to get back to being the person listed below. He's still in here, he just needs a little time.

Thank you,
-O.

---

This LJ is my method of expressing myself. Is it the sum total of who I am? No. There is no way it can be, but I do my best to place as much of my authentic self in my postings.

There are NO filters (at best, they slow the spread of information and at worst, they speed it up) and the bulk of entries are open to the public.

Imagine being given access to a composition notebook containing detailed information of a person's life. This LJ is like that notebook, but it also includes the notes and doodles in the margins.

Some people are artists. Some people are writers. Some people have vision.

Me?

I just talk. A lot. This means I'm posty.

I am the brain dump that walks like a man, and as my LJ handle suggests, I am a Pop Culture Fiend.

---

Things You Should Know:
- My writing style is conversational. This is because more than anything else, I want to have a talk *WITH* you and not *AT* you. A lot of it is stream of consciousness and so you might have to dig a bit to get to the nuggets of wisdom (if there are any).
- I also talk about my wife, my love for her and the adventure of being married. You might want to stock up on the insulin. :)
- I can be child like, but don't mistake that for childish. That's 2 very different things.
- I am a sensitive soul, and I wear my heart on my sleeve.
- I derive joy from making people smile. So I'm gonna work that.
- Nerd? Yes. Geek? Yup. Dork? You betcha!
- I give good *HUG*. Virtually and in real life. If I'm giving you one of these (i.e., *hug*) it's because in that situation if you were in front of me, that is what you'd get.
- According to sapphirescarlet, I am..."Ten pounds of groovy in a five pound bag"
- I LIKE LARGE POSTERIORS AND I CANNOT PREVARICATE!
- This LJ is a place for sharing, so share. My only rule is be respectful (i.e., don't be a rhymes with "glassbowl" or rhymes with "rubbertrucker").

---

On the mood in this LJ...
The title of this LJ comes from the fact that my first initial is "O" and the fact that I try to be a positive force. This journal is NOT brought to you in SPECTACULAR HD EMO-VISION. The subtitle comes from the fact that whatever my relationship with you, whoever you are, and however long it lasts. Whether it's a moment or an eternity, I try to leave it better than I found it. Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I fail. But I always try.

In speaking about my space here, kathrynrose explained it like this:

There are people who, for whatever reason, are more naturally joyful than most other people.

I'm not talking about happiness. A lot of people are happy. They're happy they have a home. They're happy they have a job, a wife, a vacation. When they tally the pros and the cons in the spreadsheet of their lives the pros weigh more, and so they are happy.

Joy is not rational. Joy is from the gut, from the spirit. It shines through eyes. It curls toes, and speeds heartbeats and shows off teeth.

It bubbles, it babbles and it dances.

People who have joy want to share it. They can't help themselves. That's what joy does. It spreads. It snowballs. It snowball fights.

It sings silly songs and tells stories and makes a place for people to share themselves with each other.

Sometimes when people bump into joy, they miss their chance to play. They say mean things to themselves inside their heads and they grump and grouse and sound angry. But they're really just sad, because there's an empty spot where their joy was, and they think they've done something so wrong they don't get to have it back.

They think the rules and the mean words are "realistic" and "practical" and "grown-up."

They want to understand the joy. They want to reason with it.

But joy is not rational. It has no reason. It doesn't need one.

It just is.

---

Posts that help put me in perspective and show my writing style:

• What do you need?


• Get to Know Me/The Popfiend Experience (The PxP)


• On Discussing the Issue of Race/Racism


• It was 20 years ago today...


• Talking with Pop


• Talkin' 'bout Ma


• The Toilet Seat Story


• The Name Game.


• I Believe.


• Mourning has broken.


• These 2 things I know are true.


• How I met the missus.


• On Marriage (Communication, Compassion, Compromise)


• Lisa and I: We Fit.


• My personal take on LJ Amnesty

---

Peace.

"Be good, and if you can't be good...be careful." - my mom

---